Keith Richards is Poster Child for Brain Damage

Apparently, according to a headline from Reuters, the Rolling Stones deny that Keith Richards suffered brain damage. How stupid do they think we are? Are you telling me that after all the drugs (and God knows what else Keith has done over the past 50 years) that his brain remains perfectly healthy? I’d sooner believe the positive hype surrounding their latest album.

I know that you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but there are some instances where you can. If, for example, the cover is soaking wet, it’s pretty safe to assume that the book is also a bit damp. Judging from the vessel that holds Keith’s brain, I’m guessing that his brain is all wrinkly and cigarette-stained too.

Some might argue that the Reuters article was referring to a specific recent event, but that’s only because those people read more than just headlines. These traitors don’t understand that America is the land of headlines and sound bites. You start reading more than that, and then things get depressing and complicated and way too much to think about.